realignment

I have become a mother. I went through the most physically painful and mentally hardest task I have ever gone through in my life (that being labour), and it was completely and overwhelmingly worth it. I have since been thrown into a new role, the job description which has till now been foreign to me, and it has been continuous 24/7 since it began. I had gone through emotional highs and lows as never before since giving birth, and feel that after three weeks of uncertainty and having to learn and relearn despite my insecurities (breastfeeding troubles) I am finally comfortable with the basic routine of this new life role on which I can now add all those which were pre-existing (home making, house maintenance, etc). I feel like I have been through a battle and have the scars to prove it, a battle well worth fighting.

In all this I am so thankful to have been blessed first of all with the grace and strength to carry this responsibility and honour, to be a mother. I am thankful that I've been blessed with an amazing husband that not only supported me through pregnancy, the pain of labour and the immense fear I had in being stitched up afterwards, but has been a loving servant, an amazing father, a comforter and leader when I felt lost, a true example of Christ. And I am thankful to have an adorable, amazing little daughter in my life.

Having become a mum, I don't want this to become my sole identity. I don't want to forget who I am at the core. I don't want to set aside my hobbies forever. I don't want to hide who I was created to be. This is who I am:

♥ I am a child of God, a daughter saved by grace, created to worship the Creator
♥ I am a wife to the most amazing man in the world (biased, I'm sure)
♥ I am a new mum an adorable little girl, I'm still learning but loving the journey
♥ I am a creative designer of many things: both digital and physical, and also edible
♥ I am a musician, a vocalist, a lyricist, and an amateur at all three
♥ I am a bibliophile, a film fanatic, a fashion muse, a sale-shopper, just to name a few

In this new stage of my life, I don't want to forget who I am, what I love and what I live for. I want to be content with where I am, what I believe and what I think, and I don't want to keep being afraid of others opinions of myself. I want to feel free from these insecurities. And yet, I know I am free. I just forget I am, sometimes.

After glimpsing through my bible yesterday and reading this I was reminded of that which my heart desires more than anything else, what makes me feel alive, what gives me strength when I feel I haven't any left. In the same way that my daughter will get crazy excited at the scent of me when she's hungry, I have again found myself craving more of Jesus after just a whiff of Him. And I think that's just plain awesome. :)